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Britney's
Ass Damaged!
...No,
I'm not talking about Kevin Federline...
Datleline:
San Dimas Re-Hab Center, CA - 12/18/07
Yes, I KNOW that she's an ex-Mouseketeer. Yes, I
KNOW that she is the Jergen's lotion and sweat sock
fantasy of every boy below the legal age for boozin'
and coozin'. Yes, I WOULDN'T kick her out of bed -
but remember that goes for Mary Tyler Moore too..
But - and what a butt - Britney has gone and
fricasseed her tuchis to a fair-thee-well. Puffy,
radiation-hardened skin that says, "I couldn't sit
on a plastic lawn chair without making a sound like
ferret in heat."
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It was speculated that Britney was
going for the Sinead O'Connor or Travis
Bickle look, but she has announced, "I
want to look like a
transvestite from a Nazi Death
Camp." |
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Remember when
BritSpea was banging the singer/songwriter
(ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hah! Oh shit that's a hoot!)
Howie Day after meeting him in San Dimas
Rehab Center?
Well, she's obviously looking to plop out a litter
of kids - probably a dozen or so with an equal
numbers of fathers - so Howie at least figured in as
an appropriate sperm donor. Appropriate
meaning he's not too Gay, can achieve an erection
without Viagra and has a dope connection who can
take an American Express card.
When Ms. Spear attended her cousin Erin's wedding,
Day (rhymes with...?) was still in rehab because he
had broken into the Center's kitchen snorted a
quarter gram of Dutch Cleanser and smoked a spliff
made of mopstrings.
Brit had a grand time "dancing" with every guy
including all the parking attendants, a Lesbian
Elvis impersonator and a Canadian rent-a-cop with a
cheap toupee and a harelip.
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Never slow to make
a buck with her ass, Britney's new sauce
reportedly tastes like Astrolube and P.
Diddy. |
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So who the hell does Howie Day think he is anyway?
He's a ham-fisted musician who recently made
headlines by being arrested for disorderly conduct
and allegedly verbally abusing a flight crew, while
under the influence.
Strangely enough, the disorderly conduct was
checking a Doberman's prostate with his thumb, the
verbal abuse was calling a bunch of male flight
attendant "Size Queens!" at the White Swallow bar in
San Francisco, and he was under the influence of
Ipecac syrup having drunk nearly five bottles in two
hours.
Spears told Life & Style magazine, "I just
light up when Howie gets arrested. As a Super Star
who was married to a guy who couldn't get arrested
for fondling a cop It's a joy to meet new Bail
Bondsmen and binglehouse screws. Oh yeah, HowHow is
also very talented and the sixth best kisser I can
remember."
What is wrong with Britney Spears? She was supposed
to appear at the L.A. County Court's Bailiff's
Christmas Party and Holiday Pat-Down, but she said
she was was "ill". And by ill, she
obviously meant, "I did so much dope last night that
Jimi Hendrix rose from the grave and brought me a
cup of black coffee. He's make a GREAT Dad if he
could dance.
Britster recovered quickly and was able to go
clubbin' and stay out until 2am that night, looking
for other father for here yet-to-be-born whelps. Her
current kids Sean Preston and Jayden James where
born 5 months apart, so apparently she's got the
Speed Pregnancy thing down cold. At that rate, she
will be able to have children by every man who as
ever performed with a famous, but crappy, Boy Band.
- end -
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