In a move to end world hunger and placate the radical Socialist voices in his constituency, Barrack Hussein Obama has announced that his administration will tax fast food and snacks at a rate of 100% to feed the hungriest nations.

     "I will not set up another government bureaucracy to accomplish this noble goal. We will use the Internet to spread 'the fat of Our Land' all over the globe."

"It's time that we give ALL children what American children take for granted... super-sized meals and stretch pants."      - Barrack Obama at the 1st drive-up window

     His proposal is a simple form of food sharing that starts when an American buys anything other than a Garden Salad with Lite dressing on the side.

     For example: When a pizza, batch of hot wings, biggie hamburger or heaping Hero sandwich is ordered, the customer is double-billed and an Instant Message is immediately sent to a pizza, hot wings, hamburger or sandwich shop in Sudan, Kenya or Nigeria. The snack food items are then distributed to starving villagers, who use the napkins for clothing and the plastic knives and forks to defend themselves from roving bands of Arab militias, indigenous rapists and machete-wielding maniacs.

     Given America's $110 billion Fast Food market, analysts see Obama's plan ending world hunger in just under 9 weeks. Further projections indicate a worldwide obesity rate of 45%-50% within eleven months.

     The impact of millions of paper bags, food wrappers, expended mustard and ketchup packets and plastic tubs of Ranch Dressing scattered across Sudan's Nubian desert will surely cause environmental devastation, but as one Obama spokesperson noted, "The only way to a country's heart and mind is through its stomach. Anyway it's easier to clean up your stinking wasteland using a stick with a nail on the end after you've had an Arby's Bacon Beef and Cheddar or the Blimpie's new healthy menu Grilled Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich."

     When questioned about her opponents unique approach, former First Ho Hillary Clinton refused to comment, but ex-President/Horndog Bill Clinton blurted out, "With regard to seriously malnourished women, I can assure you that most men welcome a little 'meat with their potatoes'" then, leaning away from his wife, whispered, "As long as she doesn't wind up with legs that look like they belong on an antique billiards table. Trust me on that one."   

     Senator John McCain referred to the plan as "another of Hussein's nutty, Lefty, pie-in-the-sky, feel-good, wet-your-finger-and-stick-it-in-the-air, tell `em what they want to hear, wishy-washy, air-biscuit biting..."

     When reminded that he needed to end his statement with a noun, he fired back, "Screw you! I'm a War Hero. I don't have to follow your grammar rules, I make the rules!"

     Fast-food corporations have shown strong support for the food-sharing plan seeing rapid global expansion into markets that do not have traditional American tastes and expectations. This trend is evidenced by:

• MacDonald's new, quarter-pound Halal Goatburger made entirely from slaughterhouse by-products and clothes-dryer lint

• In-N-Out Burger's Darfur Power Wrap - a picante paste of insect parts and pea gravel in a crispy tarpaper roll

• Chick fil-A's Last Supper Combo - a bottomless basket of unleavened bread, Divine Dipping Sauce and a medium Grape soda.

• Little Caesars Cardio-Calzone that bakes a meager amount of meat and cheese into a rock-hard pizza dough shell. The coconut-like bread requires enormous physical effort to open, supplying a much-needed jaw and upper-body workout.

• Hardee's Monster Fufu & Moimoi Bucket that combines black-eyed peas, crayfish, boiled eggs, cocoyam, plantains and a dash of Liberian dumboy into a pellet-like feed that's served up in recycled paint cans. Monster Fufu & Moimoi Buckets come in White, Pumpkin Patch, Dark Salmon, Candied Yam, Iguana Green or Caramelized Orange with either eggshell or semi-gloss finishes.

     "A global population of 5 billion MAY be sustainable today," said Senator Obama, "But not when the average person weighs 250 pounds. We'll need to begin harvesting human protein for food and fat for energy. And the bones make hella-cool jewelry!"

     I'm having pizza for lunch - while I still can...